Yost in Translation
Dayton Moore and Ned Yost spoke with the media yesterday about the state of the franchise going forward.
It was an embarrassment.
Not just for Moore and Yost.
And not just for the fans of a franchise that took nearly thirty years to count from ’85 to 86.
But for anyone left with enough sense to prefer not to be heavily blanketed with cluelessness and bullshit.
This was their official 2013 wrap-up address to the media, but essentially Yost and Moore were trying to make a lofty promise to the fans of the team they inexplicably still work for — that next year will be “better.”
It sounded like a promise for more of the same. Which may sound good, if you rely solely on their 2013 record for historical reference. But we all know there’s a little more to it than that. 6 years more, to be exact. And even if you could somehow ignore the 553 losses from 2007-2012 (average record of 70-92 — rounded UP), 2013 was a pretty lucky year. They made it through 162 games with no major injuries, they stumbled into two unlikely career-years from Bruce Chen and Ervin Santana, they had a great record in one-run games (which is highly volatile from year to year, but not entirely unrepeatable), and they did it all still painfully employing the outdated managing technique of Ned Yost.
It’s not always easy to navigate the platitudes and meandering phraseology of these two ill-equipped deputies of Kansas City baseball desert. But here’s how at least one fan tried to translate the subtext from yesterday’s season-ending press conference:
Here’s a link to the audio if you’d like to hum along.
Question: [What has Ned been the best at?]
Answer: “He’s a competitor.” — Dayton Moore
Translation: As opposed to the many yellow-bellied managers in baseball that actively try to avoid baseball games, Ned Yost shows up to every single one.
Question:¬†[How long ago did you decide to bring Yost back for 2014?]
Answer:¬†“Ned and I made an advanced decision, knowing that these things often times take on more of a distraction than they need to be.” — Moore
Translation: “That’s my boy!!! I wouldn’t've fired him unless it meant my ass.”
Rambling comment:¬†“In a small way, I feel like we’ve won the World Series.” — Moore
Translation:¬†Get ready for 10 more years of losing.
Question:¬†[Will there be any coaching changes?]
Answer:¬†“We’re in the process right now…of reviewing the coaching staff.” — Ned Yost
Translation: “Are you kidding?!? We won 86 games!!! That’s gotta be some kind of record! No one is going anywhere.”
Question:¬†[How close do you think this team is to winning next year?]
Answer:¬†“We won this year. The definition of winning is…is…err…err…our main goal is to win the World Series…we finished ten games over .500…that was a big first step.” — Yost
Translation: “Just let us enjoy this, you ingrates. I didn’t take my first step until I was 7 years old either!”
…continued rambling, same question:¬†“There’s not a guy on our club that I can see regressing [in 2014]. These guys are all going to have better years next year than they had this year.”
Translation:¬†“Everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.”
…continued backwoods nonsense: “When we scored 4 runs or more, the record was phenomenal.”
Translation: The Royals averaged exactly 4 runs per game, therefore 86-76 is a “phenomenal” record. Here’s the Dictionary.com definition of that word. Exceptional, huh? Maybe the old skipper is right…
Question:¬†[Is it fair for fans to expect the Postseason in 2014?]
Answer:¬†“We expect [to make the Postseason] every year.” — Moore
Question:¬†[Can you describe how the challenge of managing was different in 2013 than previous seasons?]
Answer:¬†“…[prior to 2013, it was] allowing them the opportunity to fail so they’d get better.” — Yost
Translation:¬†Six solid years of opportunity, so they must be pretty damn good by now.
…continued: “From the All Star break on, you look at where you’re at, because now you’re starting to put yourself in a position to compete. So you change your mindset. Now you compete, you’re not developing anymore.”
Translation:¬†Okay, so Yost is a competitor…after the All Star break.
Question:¬†[Is the payroll going up next year? Do you have any idea?]
Answer:¬†“It’s more about who the players are…[that they] make sense for us. I’ve never felt restricted with the payroll.” — Moore
Translation:¬†Hello Robinson Cano!
…continued: “Whether people felt ¬†we were in it or not in it, we felt we were in it…we went and added players from, ya know, the trade deadline…on, and increased our payroll.”
Translation:¬†”You think Carlos Pena’s grow on trees?”
Rambling backwoods comment:¬†“We got used to winning ballgames 3-2, 2-1…” — Yost
Translation: “We’re going to go ahead and take at least 31 one-run wins to the bank for 2014.”
Question:¬†[Other than "time and experience", are there any specifics you can share about what the plan is to get these guys better offensively?]
Answer: …awkward silence…
Translation: “The plan is for them to get better. Didn’t we already go over that?”
Question:¬†[Will you bring back Ervin Santana and Bruce Chen?]
Answer: …30+ seconds of blithering doublespeak — Moore
Translation: “We have no idea.”
…follow-up question: [Ervin Santana has said many times that he's very happy here in Kansas City...did you negotiate with him during the season...will you before he opts for free agency?]
Answer: “Well, I…I’ve spoken to his representative a few times…”
Translation:¬†”I haven’t spoken to his representative.”
Question:¬†[Where do you draw the line on Moustakas?]
Answer:¬†“Again, we feel very strongly that Mike Moustakas’ gonna be a big part of us…” — Yost
Translation: “Shut up, jerk! Moose is awesome!”
Rambling comment:¬†“There’s a lot of things in this game you can’t explain.” — Moore
Translation: “There’s a lot of things in this game I don’t understand.”
Moore and/or Yost reference currently rostered players getting “better” around once every 39 seconds in just over 38 minutes. They mentioned on-base percentage a combined zero times. Passion, unity, and progress were also the cornerstones of the hippie movement in the 1960s, but that doesn’t mean Neil Young should be out there taking grounders at second base.
There are certainly many more examples of their aimless prattling, but it seems as though the point has been driven home rather soundly. These guys don’t know how they lucked into the success they had this year. There is no plan. They are simply hoping that their artless fumbling will produce another pleasant anomaly. There are some good players on the team, absolutely. But the men in charge remain incompetent of even pretending to know what the hell they are doing. They aren’t planning for a regression to the mean. They’re simply taking it on faith that their luck won’t run out. Let’s just hope they can keep rolling sixes for a little while longer. Otherwise, we might be looking at a regression to their mean. And that is not going to just “get better.”
About The Author
Leave a Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.